The Most Inappropriate And Dirty Jokes Of 2024

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What are Inappropriate Jokes?

Inappropriate Jokes are dirty jokes that are improper. These jokes will often be sexual suggestive or contain innuendos. Inappropriate jokes will tend to make the faint hearted blush and feel a little uncomfortable or embarrassed. There is a time and place to tell an inappropriate joke, the right time is a night out with the girls or the lads, the wrong time is in front of your grandmother. So be careful who you tell these dirty jokes to!

Inappropriate Jokes

I was at the dentist the other day and he says to me "this might sting a little bit, are you prepared?"

I said "yes".

He then went on to say "I am sleeping with your wife."

I saw a man smoking in church on Sunday.

I was so shocked that I nearly dropped my bottle of gin.

As I quickly slid my pointer finger slowly inside her damp hole, I could immediately feel her getting wetter and wetter. I then took my finger out and I could immediately see that she was going down on me.

I then said to myself "I think that I really need to save up and buy a new boat."

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician's waiting room discussing their pregnancies.

The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!

The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the missionary position when she got pregnant!

All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Between sobs the brunette & red head finally got her to tell them why she became so upset. She told them she believes she's going to have puppies!!!!!

I distinctly remember my mother telling me, "I do not have a favourite child."

I found this extremely hard to take as a kid, mainly because I was an only child.

Mum: "Darling, what is your Christmas wish this year?"

Daughter: "I would like to help people in need, I wish that Father Christmas would send some clothes to the all of the naked girls in dad's computer."

Paddy's daughte‌‌r ha‌‌dn't come hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌. When she finally returned, Paddy curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.

"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t me and your ma through?‌‌"
‌‌Th‌‌e girl‌‌ was sobbing and replied‌‌, "Dad..‌ I have been selling my body, ‌‌I becam‌‌e ‌‌a prostitute.‌‌"
‌‌"Y‌‌e what!‌‌? Ge‌‌t ou‌‌t ‌‌a here‌‌, y‌‌e shameles‌‌s girl! You are an evil-doer! You'r‌‌e ‌‌a disgrac‌‌e t‌‌o thi‌‌s Catholi‌‌c family.‌‌"
‌‌"OK‌‌, Dad..‌‌. a‌‌s y‌‌e wish‌‌. ‌‌I onl‌‌y cam‌‌e bac‌‌k t‌‌o giv‌‌e mu‌‌m thi‌‌s beautiful new fu‌‌r coat‌‌, the titl‌‌e dee‌‌d t‌‌o ‌‌a huge mansion‌‌ with a swimming pool, plu‌‌s ‌‌3 millio‌‌n dollars cash. Fo‌‌r m‌‌e littl‌‌e brother‌‌, thi‌‌s platinum Rolex‌‌. An‌‌d fo‌‌r y‌‌e Daddy‌‌, th‌‌e brand ne‌‌w Porsche 911 sitting outsid‌‌e plu‌‌s ‌‌a membershi‌‌p t‌‌o th‌‌e countr‌‌y clu‌‌b ..‌‌. (take‌‌s ‌‌a breath‌‌) ..‌‌. an‌‌d a‌‌n invitatio‌‌n fo‌‌r y‌‌e al‌‌l t‌‌o spen‌‌d Ne‌‌w Year'‌‌s Ev‌‌e o‌‌n boar‌‌d m‌‌y ne‌‌w yach‌‌t i‌‌n th‌‌e Riviera.‌‌"
‌‌Paddy replies "Wha‌‌t wa‌‌s i‌‌t y‌‌e sai‌‌d y‌‌e ha‌‌d become again?"‌‌
‌‌Still sobbing the daughter replies through her tears "‌‌A prostitute‌‌, Daddy!‌‌"
‌‌"Oh‌‌! M‌‌y Goodness‌‌! Y‌‌e scare‌‌d m‌‌e hal‌‌f t‌‌o death‌‌, girl‌‌! ‌‌I though‌‌t y‌‌e sai‌‌d ‌‌a Protestant‌‌! Com‌‌e her‌‌e an‌‌d giv‌‌e ye‌‌r ol‌‌d Da‌‌d ‌‌a hug!‌‌"

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A man walks into his psychiatrists appointment wearing nothing but cling film.

The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says "well I can clearly see your nuts."

I asked my doctor for advice on how to lose weight.

He said "Don't eat anything fatty."

I said "Thanks"

He said "you are welcome fatty."

What is the best way to drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How the hell do you breath and drink out of that small thing?"

How about some inappropriate German jokes..

What is the german word for a bra?

Stoppemfromfloppen.

What is the german word for virgin?

Guuutentight.

Why is Mrs Claus unsatisfied with Santa?

He only comes once a year.

An old married couple are in church service on sunday. The elderly lady leans over to her husband and whispers “I just let go a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The husband looks back at her and says "change the battery on your hearing aid".

Did you hear about the man who was run over by a motorcycle?

He was too tyred.

What is the best thing to do if your partner starts smoking in bed?

Slow down, you are moving too fast.

Buy a man a plane ticket and he will fly for hours, push a man out of a plane while it is in the sky and he will fly for the rest of his life.

A very inappropriate muppets joke..

What is green and smells like pork?

Kermits finger.

What do you get if you cross Bananarama with a vibrator?

Wet wet wet.

What is much better than roses on your piano?