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Funny Duck Jokes And Puns

Ducks can only look down for a short while.

Otherwise they get a quack in their neck.

Who stole the shampoo bottle from the bathtub?

The robber ducky.

What do you get if you cross a duck with a skyrocket?

A firequacker.

Why do ducks fly south for the winter?

Because it is way too far to waddle.

What did one duck say to the other duck that was bending over?

I can see your butt quack.

What time do the earliest ducks get up?

At the quack of dawn.

Why did the duck cross the road?

He was following the chicken.

When is a roast duck really bad for you?

When you are the duck.

Where did the mama duck take her sick duckling?

To the ducktor.

What do ducks get when they eat fancy?

A bill.

What did mama duck say to the duckling who skipped school?

I demand an eggsplanation.

Why did the little duckling get sent out of the classroom?

He kept quacking jokes.

What do ducks use to fix everything?

Duck tape.

Have you seen the hour long tv show all about ducks?

It is an excellent duckumentary.

Why did the duck go broke?

He had too many bills.

What do you get if you cross some ducks with a cow?

Milk and quackers.

A man walks into the pet store and says, "How much for the duck?"

The pet store clerk says, "30 dollars."

The man says, "Ok, just send me the bill."

The pet store clerk replies, "Sorry but you have to take the whole bird!"

Why do ducks lay eggs?

They would break it they just dropped them.

Where did the duck go when he hurt his back?

The chiro-quacktor.

What do you call it when it is absolutely raining falling ducks from the sky?

Foul weather.

Why do ducks go quack quack?

Because they are unable to go woof woof.

Why were the ducks made to leave the basketball game?

Too many fowls.

A duck and a man are walking down the road together. All of a sudden, the man notices a low-flying plane heading straight for them! The man screams out "DUCK!" to which the duck looks back at him with a confused face and yells "MAN!"

What do you have when you cram a whole bunch of ducks into a cardboard box?

A box of quackers.

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

The outside.

Why did the police call up a duck when a farm animal went missing?

To help them quack the case.

What did the duck say when he knocked the dish rack over?

I hope I didn't quack any.

What goes "quick quick"?

A duck with the hiccups.

What did the duck say to the bartender when he bought his friend a drink?

Just add it to my bill.

What did the duck get for christmas?

A christmas quacker.

What do you call a duck that does drugs?

A quack head.

A duck walks into a department store and picks up a chapstick. He heads over to the checkout clerk and says "just put it on my bill".

Why did the egg quack?

Because I dwopped it.

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Got any free bread?" The bartender replies, "No." The duck flaps his wings, quacks, and leaves. The following day the duck walks into the bar again and asks, "got any free bread?" The bartender replies, "No, and if you come back in here asking for free bread again, I'm going to nail your beak to the bar!" The duck flaps his wings, quacks, and leaves again. The very next day the bartender sees the duck back at the bar and says, "All right you cheeky duck, what is it today?" The duck replies, "Got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Got any free bread?"

Did you hear about the duck who received terrible medical treatment at the hospital?

He saw a real quack.

Why was the duck arrested?

He was caught selling quack.

What was the gangsta ducks favourite rap song?

Duck the police.

Donald Duck waddles into a chemist and oreders a pack of condoms. "Certainly, sir," said the lady behind the counter. "Shall I put them on your bill?" Donald Duck replied, "Thit no! I'll thuficate!"

Watch below as comedian Tim Clue tells a joke about a duck who walks into a bar.