Two men are touring through a game park when they eventually come across a lion that has not eaten for many days. The lion starts hunting the two men. The men sprint as fast as they can until of them starts to tire and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He turns to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Overjoyed to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads toward the lion. As he nears closer to the lion, he hears it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night time?

With flood lighting

Roses are red, violets are blue, I am the walrus, Coo coo cachoo (only Beatles fans will get this one!)

I saw a car with a bumper sticker "I am a vet, therefor I drive like an animal".

Suddenly I realised how many gynecologists there are on the roads.

I have just started a dating website for chickens. It is not my normal job, I am just doing it..... To make hens meet

Why do grizzly bears have hairy coats?

Fur protection

What is the best way to tell is a snake is a baby or adult snake?

The baby snake has a rattle

Which is the least interesting beast in the entire animal kingdom?

The boar.

I just saw a documentary on the tv about beavers.

It was the best dam program I have ever seen.

Last week I purchased a packet of animal biscuits

On the packet it read “Do not consume if the seal is broken”, sure enough.. broken seal, turtle, horse, the whole team. Had to throw the whole lot in the trash

What is an owl's favourite tv show?

Doctor whooo

Having a horse in the evenings can be a real nightmare.

Why did all of the rabbits go on strike?

They wanted more celery

I have never hunted bear, but I once went fishing in just my shorts.

Why did the big Clydesdale give her pony friend just a glass of water to drink?

Because he was a little horse.

I can't stand jokes about insects. They really bug me.

My daughter wanted to dress up as a rodent control worker for halloween.

I said "just gopher it"

I have the heart of a lion, I also have a lifetime ban from the San Diego zoo.

I'll never forget the on the cashiers face, when she scanned the packet of bird seed and I asked her "how long does it take for the birds to grow once I plant them?"

Imagine how excited barn owls were when people invented barns.

A gianormous fly was attacking the police station so they sent out the SWAT team.

Why are cats the best salesman?

They are very purr-suasive.

Does your horse smoke?

No.

Well I think your stable is burning.

The Energizer bunny has been arrested.

He was apparently charged with battery.

What did the beaver say to the tree?

Nice gnawing you.

What does a female snake use for support?